Exposed

I am telling you that finding sitters has been a huge issue since we've moved here. Steve and I both liked the idea of in-home sitters. I liked not sending a baby to daycare, and Steve liked that there was little getting kids ready and no shuttling involved. We have interviewed a total of 6 sitters now and the kids have had 8 different women watch them in the time that we have been here, now a few of these women are friends of mine that graciously help out in a pinch (this number, of course, excludes my mom and aunt and Regina). No, we haven't had high turn over, but it is hard to find women who are available part-time on varying days of the week. Most people want a set schedule.
I work full-time in the middle of the night (3 12 hour shifts), so am grateful as far as daycare goes that I only need childcare 3 days a week (the day after when I am finally sleeping), if it's a weekend shift then, of course, they are with daddy. As tax season approaches, more child care is needed in the evenings between the time that I go off for night shift at 6:30 and before Steve gets home from his long work days. Today I interviewed another sitter for the occas eve that Steve and I cannot "tag the other in" in-time.
Let the record show that nothing has been said to me from any sitter, but that somewhere along the line, I have come to feel very exposed and "out there" as these sitters have been to my home. It is our personal space...the only place where I can be myself and my home reflects that. Myself may mean that "darn it, I don't care about my baseboards right now", and "crap, I didn't know that Zac had an accident..no wonder his room smells of pee." It may mean that I had to prioritize and get some sleep instead of steam vac the carpets and scrub those dog paw prints off the tile in the kitchen. Or that I needed to read with Jenna, play the Wii with Zac, or cuddle on my baby instead of organize the tupperware cabinet, clean out the fridge, or vacuum the stairs. Maybe I needed to take a Calgon-type bath after the kids go to bed instead of wipe the walls, and scrub bathroom floors from Zac's "it's my wild pee, mommy". Perhaps I just had to watch a show with Steve instead of dust that filthy fan or catch up on the laundry. Another exposure is that the sitter is acutely aware of my child's behavior..there are no one elses kids here to distract them. Just mine, a product of us and our parenting.
Today a potential sitter came..and I really liked her by the way, but I think that I didn't nail the interview. Back in May it was kinda fun to do the interviews, now it is like, "here's the facts, no fancy pretenses..do you like us or not lady? Will you be nice to my kids and will you be here on time?"...I didn't exactly sell us..and the kids' absolute "energy release" didn't help! Zac is inside the bean bag/love sac (picture Ace Venture and that rhino scene but not naked), Jenna is picking a scab not 2 feet from her. Then the kids are jumping on the furniture! -which has never been allowed, mind you! I am thinking,"Did I not prep you for this visit" "Just be human for 15 minutes" (Trev is an angel..what would I do without him?)
After I send them upstairs and could hear her, I proceed to tell her that I am not a good housekeeper, that the dog is mostly annoying and to just try it a few days until the kids are "adjusted to you coming" (You would think that they never see people! They get soo excited when we have a visitor.) Anyway, I wonder what she thought of the interview. She did say that she nannied 5 kids for 4 years. She is used to chaos, right!?
In the end, she agreed, I hope that she chooses to come and continue to come in the evenings that we need help.
As far as the day-time sitters, one of them recently (after an 8 hour day with all three) said that she just wants Mondays...even if it has nothing to do with me and my precious angels, how can I not interpret that as "your kids wear me out and your baseboards are dreadful".

Oh well, right? as long as they are good to my kids and don't steal anything...maybe one day they will have a family and understand, or maybe they will have it all figured out and can become rich and famous with the books that they write!

New Years Resolutionsssssss

Here it is the 20th of January. I am not just now thinking of the new year and resolutions. On the contrary, it has been on my mind. There are so many things that I want to improve upon that it is overwhelming. What a way to start a new Year..anxious and feeling guilty after reflecting on what changes need to be made! Also with tax season fast approaching and remembering the feelings of last year, I wasn't looking forward to the new year really. About two weeks ago my closest friend called and left a message, on the message she said, "...and you can do it. I know you can." For a half second, I thought, "which thing is she talking about?" Perhaps it was my desire to read with the kids daily and help them each do better at school/learning, maybe it was applying the principles of "His Needs, Her Needs" (a book about marriage), or maybe it was about doing better with the way I parent the kids, esp when they are naughty, maybe it was about any number of spiritual/church related things(reading the scriptures, my calling in the Primary, FHE, etc, etc) or it could have been about keeping the house up, or...oh yes, she was talking about my diet!!!

Well 20 days later, I am not so anxious. I have been working on a few changes, but I know that if I overload myself with too much, I am setting myself up for failure..and then I will run to the chocolate, chips and salsa, and irritability will be an unwelcome, extended visitor in the house for sure.


I am hoping that with optimism as my friend, this will be a better year. Last year was a tougher one for Steve and I both, that was tempered with the great blessing and joy of Trevor, the making of new friends, and the closeness of my family. There are so many that suffer from their own illness or the loss of a loved one, even a child or other life altering thing, we are fortunate to all be healthy and intact, but the reality is that there are times when there doesn't have to be a disaster to struggle, it was just one of those times. We are both feeling optimism and a little lighter in our step. We acknowledge a loving Father in heaven and appreciate our blessings and opportunities as well as our agency.

2010 will be great. The prescription is some optimism, resilience, and lots of 2010 will be great. The prescription is some optimism, resilience, and lots of perspective and laughter. Chin up, and smile!