Happy Day for me!

Friday, May 6th, the secretary at work brought flowers back to me, and I thought, "What is this?". It didn't dawn on me that they were for me at first. I ripped open the card, and, sure enough...to me, from Steve: "Happy Mother's Day". That was so nice, I managed to get them home, the vase only tipped once, and I only cussed them a little. The lilies and carnations in the bunch are still alive and pretty. So very nice to be loved.
Saturday was Derby day. I managed to pick the worst night of the month to go to Orem's walmart that I already hate because the lines are sooo long. I don't even try to take the kids anymore, it's just a break-down waiting to happen there. Anyway, I went the night before Mother's day. It was so packed that I opened a coke in checkout and was nearly finished by the time my stuff was scanned. I do love Coke! Saturday night I put away groceries and stayed up late getting some stuff squared away from my class (tell you later about that). I woke up Sunday morning and Steve was out of bed and the kids were up and at 'em. That, in itself, is nice that I wasn't invited. Then I awoke from drifting to 2 very cute kids, a 5 and 7 year old to be precise, that were followed by their daddy who held a tray of breakfast. Ah, breakfast in bed. Scrambled eggs that they cracked, toast, fruits (even bananas that Jenna hates and Zac loves) with cut up strawberries, yogurt, a wine glass of milk and a beautiful flower and folded napkin. They were all smiles and so proud. They had made cards and gifts at school for me. I love how pleased they were, and I love that their daddy made it happen. After I was full as can be, I went back to sleep until 10! We missed church and with 4 small kids, that is a gift in some ways! It was just such a nice day. I enjoyed my family.  Zac said,  "Maybe when it is Children's Day, you can serve me breakfast in bed." Trev told me a few times "Happy Birthday!", until he got it right! Gagey would smile and slime my face with a slobbery kiss...and I love that from my baby!
Love them!
 PS: Happy Mother's Day, belated, to all mommies. What a hard job! Love you, MOM!

Never occured to me...

What never occured to me about being a mom...

1. You should be organized and disciplined (does that mean a "grown up"?)..at least enough to make life smoother. For example, this is not organized: Sleeping till 6:45, then hurriedly getting Jenna up at 6:47. Only to find that all of the jeans in the house are wet in the washer. Knowing that she can't wear a dress because her church shoes are too small for her to spend the day in. Then going to the kitchen and finding that there is about a 1/3 c of milk, no cereal and hard butter. That eliminates the option of cereal and toast that doesn't tear when you attempt to butter it...and we all know that I am not making eggs because there is no time...I turned the alarm off, remember!! Jenna has 10 minutes to eat, get her hair fixed, brush her teeth and get her back pack on (bless her heart). We can all see the ways that that morning went wrong. Ah, planning has become more important because there are three more kids that may or may not be awake and hungry...and I can just forget a shower for the morning. Why is my bed most comfy at 5:45?
2.  The amount of pee...in diapers, sure, but in random corners, on the bathroom floor, in the trash, and occasionally in the unflushed toilet. I am not talking about dog pee...I am talking about little boy pee. Why, oh why? Who knew..?
3. That they will grow up...Which means more clothes, and MORE FOOD. We aren't too far from needing 2 packs of hotdogs for dinner. Fast forward 12 years...we will always be broke. They will also have more activities as they grow...running here and there. More homework, more hormones, more conflict. And LESS SLEEP for mom and dad. Now a baby that gets hungry, a toddler that wants a companion, a 5 year old with bad dreams, a 7 year old with growing pains at night....soon we will be waiting up wondering if we taught them well enough to be safe and make good choices.

 I should stock up on good day planners, clorox wipes and carpet cleaner, hotdogs, diet coke to stay awake and sane, and benadryl to sleep.

100 days of school

They did this in Kentucky for Jenna, and this year the kids are doing it here- celebrating the 100th day of school.   Last week, Thursday, was Jenna's 100th day of school, but she stayed home from school playing very convincing hooky, and was devastated when she realized that night that she missed her 100th day party...that was, according to her friends, AMAZING! They had donuts and ate the 100 pieces of cereal they had counted out and brought earlier in the week.  I did feel bad for her. Steve and I are hoping that it was a lesson that she learned the hard way. No lecturing was necessary after that sad consequence.
 Zac started Kindergarten the week after the rest of the elementary, so his special day is tomorrow. He has to bring 100 pieces of cereal to eat for the celebratory breakfast and also  a poster with 100 items. Googly eyes it is! The poster reads in his "best" handwriting, "100 eyes for 100 days". This is his alien that he glued 100 assorted googly eyes to, that we had in 1 of our many crazy craft Tupperwares. It's always fun to look in those- rubber bands, clothes pins, Popsicle sticks and always an item that makes me say, "that is where that is!".

Anyway, when the little boys were sleeping and Jenna was still at school, Zac and I counted and created. He is good with numbers, now if he could just be a little better with his ears and agreeability.

Santa

I remember Christmas in Louisville, Kentucky at Nana's home when Aunt Alice and her crew and our family came on Christmas Eve. I can remember playing on her organ and with her musical instruments. I remember putting out the cookies and milk by the fireplace. I can remember bedtime and not being able to sleep well anticipating Christmas morning. I faintly remember The Night Before Christmas and tried to listen for the tiny reindeer on the roof. I remember waking up early and knowing it was too early to wake my mom and dad. That I remember, Buddy and I never would dare sneak and look in the middle of the night to see if Santa came yet. Eventually we would get up with the cousins and wait on the stairs for Papa Artie to be ready. Then we would run to the tree, and it was a beautiful sight! The tree itself was beautiful in her home, and there were tons of beautiful gifts wrapped and toy displays under the tree. There were 5 kids there and at least 7 or 8 adults that Santa treated after all.
Now I think, "how in the world did they do it?" I love that Christmas morning is a magical and exciting time for children, but now that I am the parent, it really puts the pressure on. When Jenna and Zac were smaller it wasn't as big of a deal. Shoot, we could be in bed by 10:30 after putting out the gifts. Also it didn't matter what they got, they liked ripping open the gifts and diving for the next one. As they have gotten older, they actually want to write a letter to Santa, and really BELIEVE that he is real, and that he sees them and loves all children and would never want to disappoint a child (Jenna especially).
 So back to my mom and dad in Louisville, I can remember having a car back then, it seems like somehow mom and dad would load that trunk with all the toys and our bags and never once did I see a thing or have any idea. I wonder how many times they used tetris skills to fit it all! Then they probably didn't sleep but a few hours Christmas eve setting up for us and assembling Barbie scenes, etc. I wonder if there was a designated parent that would go to where we sleep to make sure there was no spy. I bet it was fun for them. I wondered if they feel how I feel now. I want to give them what they want but when things are lean, you just can't get it all. And they don't even ask for much.
I must say that I have felt the spirit of Santa in the giving of family already this Christmas season, truly Santa's helpers! Thank you to my family that loves us, even though I leave all the time and live far away! They have shown me the spirit of giving without keeping records. Just giving because they love us.
I know that this Christmas will be tricky with the kids, trying to be ultra sneaky. I know they will be as excited as I was Christmas eve night. I don't remember being disappointed ever as a child. It was just so awesome. In my heart I know they will love Christmas morning, but there is that lingering fear of disappointment. I think that spills over into other aspects of parenthood. (Did I do enough, should I have prepared better, will they be happy?) My mom said the other day that she wishes that she could do more for us and all the grandkids, even though she always does a ton! Anyway, I told her that was silly. Then she said, "you know how you want to give your kids what they want and need?" I said ,"yeah". She told me that feeling never stops.
 Who would have though that Santa could evoke reflective feelings and even pressure on a parent and sheer bliss and fantasy for a child?

Birds and Bees?

Jenna came home from school the other day and announced that she was in love with Turner. "Mom, I am in love with Turner!"
"Really," I say.
Humm, I am thinking, "in-love". Great she is 7! This is going to be a long road.
So Jenna says, "Yeah, he gave me this reraser... (translated "eraser"). He gave me a different one, but I really liked this one. I said that if he didn't give me this one, then I would kiss him."
"Jenna, 7 year-olds do not kiss.", I say firmly.
Jenna's eyes look down, "ok". "I need to ask if he is allergic to cats, anyway."
Jenna has made that an exemption from marriage. She really wants a cat, and if he is allergic it's a "no-go", even if he is prince-charming.

She is growing up and even though Jenna has always had friends that were boys, the kissing and in-love talk is getting slightly more feasible (ok, at least the kissing)
and makes me swallow hard and my eyes bug! I guess the birds and the bees talk may be around the corner. What is the origin of that expression anyway?

So yesterday I was reading Parents Magazine and there was an article about talking to your kids about stuff, specifically to a child Jenna's age. The article/author assumed that at her age the whole concept of intercourse should have been addressed already, and it's time for more info about relationships now. Well, CRAP! Is that true? It was hard enough for me to tell Jenna 3 months ago how exactly Gage would enter the world. She had started the question one morning when it was just us, and I felt the time was right. We didn't talk about how a baby was made. She had enough information that morning, although she took it all in stride.

My fear would be that with this new info, Jenna will go to school talking about intercourse... and sperm and eggs making a baby. On some distant level, it's like when that one kids tells his friends that Santa isn't real, then all their parents are up in arms.
So when is it the right time? I decided to pull out a Church produced manual that the Bishop gave us as a gift. It talks, in part, about talking to your kids about sexuality and relationships. It is an awesome resource, but again wants me to be the parent and didn't tell me on what date to have the talk prepared like I was wanting, unfortunately. I felt like I would need to be thoughtful, aware and prayerful as to when opportunities would come up to talk to Jenna...and Zac eventually (Heaven help us!) I do know that I want her (all the kids) to be able to talk to Steve and me, and I want them to learn these things in their home first, and be able to ask questions openly when they hear stuff at school. I don't want to jump the gun here or wait too long.
Geez. I think that you never stop worrying and learning as a parent.

Mothers

"There's just nothing like your mom." Isn't that true? I can be myself with mom. She doesn't care that the toilets are gross, and that I have a junk closet, and the kids clothes drawers have no method to them. She loves my kids unconditionally. I don't worry that I am putting her out. You can tell she just loves the kids. She rocked the baby in the middle of the night when I knew he wasn't hungry or poopy, but I knew I was exhausted. She walked the kids to the bus stop and was proud to be their Grandma. She went on a field trip with Zac. (He was so proud! "This beautiful lady is my Ma") She rocked and rocked and rocked Gage. She played blocks with Trev and danced in the kitchen with him. She read a million books or the same books a million times. She did my laundry...who knows how many loads. She did the dishes everyday, every meal. She cooked for us and spoiled us. She made me drink fluids, made me fruit salad, and made sure I was doing OK. She doesn't need entertained. She was just happy to be here with us...and was happy with a Sonic drink as a bonus. She wanted to buy and take care of anything that I needed- always has put herself last. She got Jenna ready in the mornings for school and let me sleep-in with Gage everyday. How did I get so lucky? I hope that Jenna feels as loved by me as I do by my mom. I hope that we are close like me and my mom. I hope that I can be the grandma that my mom is to my kids- it's effortless and genuine. As she has said, "my cup runneth over."

Every woman needs their mom when they have a baby. It is evidence that once we are mothers, we are always mothers- helping, loving and nurturing in times of greatest need, even teaching how to mother by example once the daughter is grown having babies of her own. Thank you mom for taking care of me and inspiring me to be a better mom. I love you.

I acknowledge that not all of us have a relationship with our moms or wish that it was different. But hopefully we all have someone in our life that is a mother to us. Sheri Dew once said, "Are we not all mothers?" Thanks to the other women in my life who have called and helped out.

Growing Up!, Not cliche, just true.

Jenna is a first grader. I have been struck lately with how grown up she is..well actually, her and Zac..and Trev, and how it happens quickly that they mature and cope with new experiences in life. I am feeling proud of them.
Jenna had a great fist day. She said the food was good, that they had 3 recesses and they didn't even have to read! They "met each other and explored and colored", is what she said. She is riding the bus here and loves it so far. She is really growing up. I would have used my fancy Nikon camera with a super-awesome lens to capture these special moments, but I don't have one. I don't even have my Kodak easy share because I have officially misplaced it. I was so mad at myself as I took pictures of Jenna through my mostly lame cell phone camera.
The first day, Zac and I walked Jenna to her bus stop at the end of the block and waited for the bus to come. Jenna was very excited. There were several other kids at the stop, a lot of whom she recognized from church. When the bus pulled up, she gave me a hug and went on her merry way into the bus. A wake of emotion blew over me but just to be interupted by a very sad looking boy that hung his head and shoulders only how he does. I looked at Zac and knew he was sad that he wouldn't have Jenna to play and fight with. The other moms thought he was sad because he couldn't ride the bus, but no. He was gonna miss his big sister. I hugged him and we walked home kinda quiet, both thinking I guess.
On day 2, Jenna woke up on her own and let the dog out that sleeps by her bed now. We got her clothes ready and had some breakfast. We packed her lunch because I got her a water bottle, and she thought that meant that she should pack her lunch. Anyway, she dressed and explained how she would like her hair. All set, with a relatively heavy back pack bc I sent some teacher-requests in her bag, she was on her way again. The bus comes at 7:28, so I thought since there were 3 or 4 kids at the bus stop that I would go ahead and send her up the street. I can see the stop from the front of our house which is so nice. She is jogging, and I told her she could take her time if she wants because she has a few minutes. She gets half way there and the bus pulls up! By now she is running and then Zac and I start running too (vicariously I guess). Anyway the bus starts to pull off, I assume not seeing her, and we are cheering from afar "keep running Jenna!" She never looks back and keep trucking with her backpack bouncing on her back with each step. The bus pulls to a stop and waits for her. She crosses our street and hops on.
It was very exciting for Zac and me. We cheered and carried on when she got on. Then comes 4 more kids around the corner who see that the bus is leaving, and they run the entire block. (The bus was a bit early). Anyway, I wanted to send Jenna a text or have her receive some message in her brain that I was so proud of her. I know that she could have panicked and given up. She probably would have last year. I could imagine tears welling up and her freezing with defeat a year ago. Today, she could have at the very least looked back to home, but she didn't. I just feel proud of her. She made it and so did her buds. I hope that she sat on the bus and smiled at her victory and not cussed her mom for telling her that she could walk because there was time. lol


Zac had kindergarten testing this week. It was fun to watch him answer questions while I sat by listening to him. When we got back in the van he said, "I wonder if Jenna had the same test before. I wonder if she took a deep breath and walked on in, too." I knew that he was a bit nervous and intimidated at first, but I didn't know that he took a deep breath and pushed through the door being brave. That was cute.

Trev is finally, at 18 months, talking quite a bit. He has a little vocab and is learning and exploring new things all the time. Lately when I say something, I can tell that things are clicking and the cogs are turning. He is my little blonde baby boy that I still adore.

Not really sad thoughts that my kids are getting bigger. I feel proud of them, if that is even the right word. I do love them. I wanna go squeeze them now. If only catching the bus, deep breaths and conquering animal sounds were the toughest feats to tackle, they'd be set!

Ping pong balls- part of life?

Mapelton had a fun idea that has been done other places. Mapelton, I understand, tried this for the first time the evening of their 24th festivities. A ping pong ball drop from a helicopter! 800 balls I heard would fall to the ground to the hands of eager children. 16 or so balls would be marked with a code that meant they had won a brand new bike! I will tell you how I pictured this and then I will tell you how it happened.

I thought that there would be about 600 kids...mostly under 10 years old spread out on a grassy knoll. The kids would have a walmart bag to collect their balls or at least use their shirts to gather the balls. I pictured that the balls would fall down in a slow fashion and would be spread out gently and expansively by the breeze of the chopper blades. I pictured Easter egg hunt fashion and jovial smiles as they collected up their balls. After all the balls were found we would go through our 5 or 6 balls (the math doesn't add up, but I wasn't that analytical) and wait for them to call out our number like bingo! There would be jumping and celebrating. I didn't actually expect a bike, but the game itself would be fun!
So....in actuality, we thought we would be late so Steve dropped us off at an intersection, and we (Jenna, Zac and I) ran wildly (and pregers) to the "northeast side of the field". (I am from Indiana people!- Give me a landmark, mountains don't count yet...they are everywhere!) There were mumbled rules about "parents standing back behind the trashcans" (elusive trash cans) and "you only get 1 ball or you are disqualified". (oops, put away the walmart bag!) We get to the place out of breath and hot from the sun. (It was a grassy knoll, however!) The helicopter appears from a valley in the mountain and that was very exciting. Then he has the audacity to fly-by like 3 times teasing the crowd as we wait somewhat confused for the balls. I hear parents around me asking each other, "will this be a stampede?" The time came when the balls would fall, he opened his trash bag and florescent balls fell from the sky to well-over a thousand people, and then parents and teens and children of all ages scurry for balls, good luck if you weren't in the selected area where they fell. Then it was over.
1 swoop, balls drop, people scurry, and many kids were empty-handed and confused...walking around like, "I didn't get a ball." It seemed like 20 balls fell and for some reason I cared- more than the kids. I said, "It's ok. No big deal. It was cool to see the helicopter!" The kids didn't cry or anything, their shoulders were undoubtedly slumped momentarily, but there were no injuries or ugly competitiveness witnessed. They moved on and wanted to play on the playground with Calvin. Why did I care? Well, those darn preconceived ideas for starters! It was just a bit of a let down. Let me emphasize that this is no insult to sweet Mapleton or the organizers. It's just me! I thought, life has been a little jading for Steve and me. Instead of "lucky ping pong balls", Steve has been laid off, we have faced financial hardship, and are faced now with little response to resumes from a qualified and educated candidate in an economically insecure atmosphere. That is all ok, we will get through it. But by joe, my kids don't need to face rejection and dejection just yet- the let down of expectations that are dashed too quickly. I have heard it and have said it to the kids in the past when they whine that something isn't fair that, "life isn't fair..who told you that life would be fair?". I reflect on that ideology and think, "what kind of bitter view on the world am I teaching my kids?" Yes, it is true and realistic, but what is the point of plowing forward without hope of fairness? Just food for thought.
I value the 3 virtues of faith, hope and charity, but also I acknowledge that I am human and for that hot, anticlimactic, let-down of a moment or 15, I was bitter and thought that the kids at least needed a ball in their hand...didn't even have to be a winner ball. Oh well, we all have our share of let downs and "lucky ping pong balls". It makes life a journey- unpredictable, with moments of bitterness that make the sweet moments that much sweeter.
Blame it on the hormones.

The Rhetorical Juggler Post

If seeing this smiling picture makes you nauseated then please read on.
I remember as a child there was a clown that would visit the schools. Conner the Clown, I believe is his name. As a part of his act he would juggle, and as a part of the entertainment he would try to teach the audience how to juggle: first starting with one ball, then 2, then three and although he could add more, for the purpose of teaching, there were only three. So I do remember the chant that you were to say as you added the second ball:"throw---throw-catch---catch". I never could do it. I don't even know the chant for three balls. I was too busy chasing the balls on the floor to move forward with the next one. Juggling is cool, looks pretty easy really. Since I am a fairly coordinated person, and I could in no way do it, I respect it and find it to be fascinating and entertaining to watch. Well, you know where this is going, right?
So lately, I have been thinking of all the things that there are to juggle, and how very many balls that there are on the ground rolling around, some covered in dust or off in a corner nearly out of sight, and also of the balls that I am keeping up. So we could label truly a hundred balls, and from those balls spawn more balls! Ahhhh! You go ahead and fill in the blank:__________, the kids' schooling, teaching them stuff, playing with them, quality time with the kids, their Dr appointments and check ups, keeping up on their hygiene, the laundry, clothes that fit, clean dishes, food in the fridge and cupboards, my and Steve's relationship, service, being a good citizen, the house, the budget, church calling, spiritual maintenance and progression, building talents, building my kids' talents and self worth, teaching my kids about the gospel, my work- getting there, being nice-ish, critical thinking. Oh yes, my health, this pregnancy, my relationships with friends and family, the house, the dog, the yard, sleep, again did I mention the house ball? What am I forgetting? You see, that ball is under the couch!
Anyway some of the balls on the ground are really important things and makes me ponder how do I get those balls up and going again when it seems inevitable that something will have to fall?
Let's be reasonable here, somewhere along the way I have grown up to realized that there is no human way to juggle all things and do all that is required in a perfect fashion. Or do I really believe that? Afteral, there are pictures like this woman that make me think it can be done. Is that reality? I like to remind myself that there is a time and season for all things and not that the spiritual ball is flying high as of late, but I do have a testimony that with faith in Christ, he will lift the burdens that are heavy on our shoulders and pick up the slack where we come up short. Also that we can be guided and inspired as to what is most important. But then the faith ball is dusty.
I suppose the whole juggling thing made me think that even though I know that I cannot do it all at once, I would like to have up in the air those things that are important to me and am trying to figure out how to make that happen. Really, Conner the clown was of little help to me with juggling colorful balls, and I was quite miserable at it and frustrated by all the running and failing, but I still liked to watch and try. So although there is running and failing in real life, I will keep on. Some help from Steve, and from my old friend, Prayer, may be in order, but who better to ask? By Joe, let's dust off those balls and try again. Afteral, juggling is supposed to be fun!