Santa

I remember Christmas in Louisville, Kentucky at Nana's home when Aunt Alice and her crew and our family came on Christmas Eve. I can remember playing on her organ and with her musical instruments. I remember putting out the cookies and milk by the fireplace. I can remember bedtime and not being able to sleep well anticipating Christmas morning. I faintly remember The Night Before Christmas and tried to listen for the tiny reindeer on the roof. I remember waking up early and knowing it was too early to wake my mom and dad. That I remember, Buddy and I never would dare sneak and look in the middle of the night to see if Santa came yet. Eventually we would get up with the cousins and wait on the stairs for Papa Artie to be ready. Then we would run to the tree, and it was a beautiful sight! The tree itself was beautiful in her home, and there were tons of beautiful gifts wrapped and toy displays under the tree. There were 5 kids there and at least 7 or 8 adults that Santa treated after all.
Now I think, "how in the world did they do it?" I love that Christmas morning is a magical and exciting time for children, but now that I am the parent, it really puts the pressure on. When Jenna and Zac were smaller it wasn't as big of a deal. Shoot, we could be in bed by 10:30 after putting out the gifts. Also it didn't matter what they got, they liked ripping open the gifts and diving for the next one. As they have gotten older, they actually want to write a letter to Santa, and really BELIEVE that he is real, and that he sees them and loves all children and would never want to disappoint a child (Jenna especially).
 So back to my mom and dad in Louisville, I can remember having a car back then, it seems like somehow mom and dad would load that trunk with all the toys and our bags and never once did I see a thing or have any idea. I wonder how many times they used tetris skills to fit it all! Then they probably didn't sleep but a few hours Christmas eve setting up for us and assembling Barbie scenes, etc. I wonder if there was a designated parent that would go to where we sleep to make sure there was no spy. I bet it was fun for them. I wondered if they feel how I feel now. I want to give them what they want but when things are lean, you just can't get it all. And they don't even ask for much.
I must say that I have felt the spirit of Santa in the giving of family already this Christmas season, truly Santa's helpers! Thank you to my family that loves us, even though I leave all the time and live far away! They have shown me the spirit of giving without keeping records. Just giving because they love us.
I know that this Christmas will be tricky with the kids, trying to be ultra sneaky. I know they will be as excited as I was Christmas eve night. I don't remember being disappointed ever as a child. It was just so awesome. In my heart I know they will love Christmas morning, but there is that lingering fear of disappointment. I think that spills over into other aspects of parenthood. (Did I do enough, should I have prepared better, will they be happy?) My mom said the other day that she wishes that she could do more for us and all the grandkids, even though she always does a ton! Anyway, I told her that was silly. Then she said, "you know how you want to give your kids what they want and need?" I said ,"yeah". She told me that feeling never stops.
 Who would have though that Santa could evoke reflective feelings and even pressure on a parent and sheer bliss and fantasy for a child?