The newest Member

Preparing for Baptism.
We have been having FHEs on baptism on and off since January, knowing that Jenna would be baptized this year. Our home teachers have had lessons, we have encouraged conversation about the Holy Ghost and, of course, Jenna learned about baptism in Primary. The Primary also had a great "Baptismal Preview" Program too in early July.  The problem is that we don't always make Primary because of traveling and illness and stressfulness, we don't always do FHE for the same reasons, we don't always have the Spirit in our home because there is fighting and irritability and fatigue. We are imperfect people, trying to prepare a little girl for something perfect. Thankfully the Lord doesn't expect perfection on our own. He knows that we need the atonement. Sheww! In the end, Jenna was interviewed by the Bishop and found "ready" for baptism. 

A few weeks before her baptism, while the little boys were asleep and Zac was awake but quiet downstairs, I put some acoustic hymns on the CD player and laid out on the counter every picture that I had of Jesus. Most were clippings from the Friend and some were cards that I had received or bought along the way. I sharpened every colored pencil I could find, gave her a piece of paper and asked that she look at all of the pictures and draw a picture. She chose to draw something original instead of try to duplicate a picture. It was quiet in the kitchen as she worked quietly. As she drew, she said over her shoulder, "Mom, is this the Holy Ghost that I feel?". It made me smile, and I said that "yes, the Holy Ghost does make us feel good." It was just a sweet moment that I didn't know would happen, but I am grateful for. It was an uncommonly quiet time in the house and she could feel peace as she listened to that music, looked at pictures of her Savior and did something that she loves, drawing. I am grateful that she was blessed to feel that peace. Anyway, we used that picture for the cover of her program. 

The Big Day
The day that Jenna was baptized was really a great day. That morning, I panicked that she didn't understand the gravity of the event. I wondered if I had failed her. I think of my 9 year old Primary class in Kentucky full of true and noble gospel scholars and shook my head. But, no one really understands what a big deal it is and what a responsibility it is at first, do they, especially at the early age of 8? Line upon line, we learn things. We don't have to be scholars, we just need to have faith that Jesus is the Savior, that God lives and that the Holy Ghost is real; know what it means to repent and then be baptized. That much she is getting and so it was a go.
 We went to Steve's youngest cousins' baptism that morning which was great for her to see and feel.

Before changing into her jumper

Perhaps a favorite of mine. Jenna and daddy.

At 2:00 we arrived at the church. The two little ones were struggling a little. We had to wake Trev from his nap, and Gage was suffering from separation anxiety, or anxiety that we may be separated, and was cutting 2 teeth- he was needy too. But Jenna was a little angel in her white jumper awaiting her program and baptism to start. She was so beautiful and happy and surrounded by sooo many that love her. Scads of supportive relatives, friends, teachers, leaders, her babysitter, and of course her mom and dad, even my mom flew all the way from Indiana.

The inside of the Program

 Her program was very nice. It was nice that no one else shared the program, it was like her special day. Mom brought the dress that I received my first communion in when I was a second grader, and it fit her very nice. She thought she was very fancy and quite liked the 1988 dress with puffy sleeves.She was pretty in her new shoes and flower in her hair. Even her ear rings seemed to sparkle a little more.
 Let me tell you that it was a tender and special moment when she came up out of the water. She was beaming with joy. Jenna was so beautiful. Her countenance shone and her smile was pure joy. What a testament to me. I hope that I never forgot the feeling I had as I looked at her coming out of the water. I hope that she remembers that good feeling too.

Jenna and Grandma Great

Jenna and her Primary Teacher

Grandma Julene, Me, Jenna, Maw

Showing Grand dad her new scriptures

Calvin and Jenna were both baptized that day. Calvin is the last of the grandkids, and Jenna is the first great grandchild to be baptized.

 The program was beautiful. From the opening prayer to the closing prayer it was very special. I am so proud of Jenna and grateful for the gospel in my life and all the rich blessing that it brings. I am especially grateful for family. Little angles watched and entertained the boys, for that I am still very grateful. Thank you to all that helped us, especially the Merrel's and Kristi!
After her program we had cake and frappe with some nuts and butter mints at our house. Simple, easy and quite a hit. Who knew that Costco cake and some sherbet, sprite and berries could be so good?

Jenna and Aunt Lissy who spoke at her program about Baptism.

Jenna and her cake

 

Never occured to me...

What never occured to me about being a mom...

1. You should be organized and disciplined (does that mean a "grown up"?)..at least enough to make life smoother. For example, this is not organized: Sleeping till 6:45, then hurriedly getting Jenna up at 6:47. Only to find that all of the jeans in the house are wet in the washer. Knowing that she can't wear a dress because her church shoes are too small for her to spend the day in. Then going to the kitchen and finding that there is about a 1/3 c of milk, no cereal and hard butter. That eliminates the option of cereal and toast that doesn't tear when you attempt to butter it...and we all know that I am not making eggs because there is no time...I turned the alarm off, remember!! Jenna has 10 minutes to eat, get her hair fixed, brush her teeth and get her back pack on (bless her heart). We can all see the ways that that morning went wrong. Ah, planning has become more important because there are three more kids that may or may not be awake and hungry...and I can just forget a shower for the morning. Why is my bed most comfy at 5:45?
2.  The amount of pee...in diapers, sure, but in random corners, on the bathroom floor, in the trash, and occasionally in the unflushed toilet. I am not talking about dog pee...I am talking about little boy pee. Why, oh why? Who knew..?
3. That they will grow up...Which means more clothes, and MORE FOOD. We aren't too far from needing 2 packs of hotdogs for dinner. Fast forward 12 years...we will always be broke. They will also have more activities as they grow...running here and there. More homework, more hormones, more conflict. And LESS SLEEP for mom and dad. Now a baby that gets hungry, a toddler that wants a companion, a 5 year old with bad dreams, a 7 year old with growing pains at night....soon we will be waiting up wondering if we taught them well enough to be safe and make good choices.

 I should stock up on good day planners, clorox wipes and carpet cleaner, hotdogs, diet coke to stay awake and sane, and benadryl to sleep.

Nothing groundbreaking

 I have been lacking creative juices. Even the  thoughts in the shower are hardly worth mentioning. Is it true that I was more creative when I was sleep-deprived on night shift? It's like how some artists perform better and come up with better ideas, lyrics and poetry when they are strung out. I am not sure that I am mentally healthier post partum than I am on night shift though.
 I have nothig profound or groundbreaking, nonetheless, it is worth mentioning that Jenna is growing up and a lot of fun. My neighbor told me that her dentist-brother said there is a relationship between initial tooth eruption and maturity. (I haven't seen the research) The sooner a baby gets teeth, the sooner they hit puberty. Great!!, Jenna got her first tooth the week she was 4 months old. There is no point to that statement except that it made me think that she is growing up and more growing up is coming. She had school pictures again. I may scan her and Zac's in later. 
 I have enjoyed this nice weather and have taken an interest in the trees and pruning them and hopefully not to the point of killing them. They are apparently red plums that have been dormant. I hope that I didn't wake a sleeping, messy giant, but they are a little less unruly-looking now.
 We have been geocaching, I really enjoy that. The GPS unit is finicky, and even though we drove for a hour+ and once we reached our destination there were some guys shooting their guns and we couldn't find the "treasure", we still had fun.
 What else? ...the baby is sleeping better at night. Like 9-4am. 'Tis sweet to sleep. He is 5 months now!
 Daylight-savings is responsible for 2 days of tardies for the near truant kids. I dropped out, no flunked out, of the 5 o'clock club and right now, I don't even feel bad about it.
 I finally broke down after 6 months of regrowth and got my hair done and now I have a mullet, but my roots are gone. The girl who did my hair was a breath of fresh air, except that she gave me a questionable cut. A dear friend hooked me up with MK, and I testify that it is the best! Thank you!
 Gage is rolling. He likes to go to the left more than the right. Once he gets to his belly, he is so proud. He is, hands down, the cutest, most smiley, dimply baby ever! I am not partial!
 Zac is into basketball. We have a b-ball goal that is adjustable. Steve got a ball and lowered the goal, now our driveway is the best part of the neighborhood, at least to about 4-5 little boys.
 Trev is beautiful and his eyes are looking greenish.
 Steve is getting fit and feeling good.
 I start "Feel great in 8" again next week. I lost 13 pounds last time. 13 more would be amazing. I have a pair of pants that I would love to be able to zip up without laying down.
 I am paying out the nose in childcare and it makes me crazy.
 Work is good at the clinic, but I miss my girls in Lexington...and the babies. I do miss labor and delivery, but this job is much less stressful, although it is surprisingly busy.
 Oh, and yes! My mom is coming next week!

I love my family and am grateful for the change of seasons.

Geocaching to Eagle Mtn. I love Zac's folded ear!

Jenna picture day morning . All of her jeans, minus 2 pair have holes in the knees. This is her trademark.

 

Not eating solids yet, but so cute in the highchair.

Jenna and Zac found on the back deck, made a picnic in honor of the weather. I love how the old dirty rug is a plate.

Just Do it

I have thought of this phrase, made famous by Nike. I see real genius in the slogan.
There are days when I think, "just do it". Why delay- if I get up a bit earlier, if I go ahead and do something that has to be done, if I just put forth that little effort...if I "just do it", then I will be happier in the long run. Life may even run smoother and be happier.
There are days when I can say with some energy behind the voice in my head, "Yeah, just do it! It's easy." There are other days that I hear myself tell myself to "just do it, come on!" in the same tone that I tell the kids to clean up their rooms. This tone may include some cussing at myself.
There are other days when I spit on the idea, and am appalled at my audacity to even say, "Just do it!" because it is just not that simple.
I have thought of this phrase and my varying degrees of optimism for it over the past month.

I keep thinking of a woman runner getting her Nike shoes on for a run. She is sitting on the side of the bed or couch, and she is bent down tying her shoes. I can't see her attitude or her face, but she is just going to "do it." I can then picture her running in a red shirt and black pants on black pavement with her Nike shoes, and she is strong. She is running alone, but she is not lonely-looking. She looks focused. It is a great commercial in my brain. I need to be her. Who knows if she was cussing to "just do it" or if she was excited, all I know is, she is out there and she is strong and she is not relying on anyone else to pull her along.
There's real symbolism there. Whether my goals are spiritual, physical, in parenthood, in my ...whatever, Just do it!

Chevy 4x4

Yesterday morning we woke up to fresh snow, just a couple of inches. It was continuing to "snow" but it was more like chuncks of water plopping from the sky by 7:30am. It was sloppy, sloshy and wet on the 15 minute commute to work. I took the truck for the second day in a row. I like taking the truck because it makes me feel like a country girl and because the van was on E and I didn't want to get up any earlier for gas before work.
 I looked out the window at work at 3:30 when a pt called and cancelled her appt for tomorrow. I knew that they were calling for bad weather, but it looked wet and foggy, not snowing or icy. The temperature wasn't freezing.
 About an hour and a half later, I looked out the window and saw lots of white. I finished up an hour later and headed home. Steve had texted me to warn me it was bad. An let's face it, he knows me!
 I didn't have the windshield scrapper, so I borrowed the the Nurse Practitioner's (ours was on the kitchen counter).
From the looks of the parking lot, I dropped the truck into 4 high and was on my way.

The usual commute home proved to be quite unusual. All that slush was now thick ice and the roads were now snow-packed. As I approached an incline on the drive home, I saw that the traffic was slowing down and lining up. Cars were stuck on the ice, wheels spinning and vehicles sliding. Once the traffic came to a stop, a lot of cars weren't able to get the traction to go again. The truck was having no such problem and was able to slowly pass them by. I looked out ahead of me and there were but 1 or 2 cars in front of me in the distance. I left bad that they were back there struggling. On the other hand, I was grateful for the truck.

On the drive home I was serious and thoughtful, no radio on,... and I began to think.
I feel like my posts are getting redundant as I am going on my 3rd year sharing my thought- but I was brought back to the idea of preparedness. Yes, I should know better. The Church teaches it, and common sense dictates to be prepared. How true is the scripture: "be prepared and ye shall not fear."

Not even a week ago the water header corroded and sprung a major leak. We were without water and am sad to say we didn't have a drop in the house that wasn't in the toilet or on the down stairs carpet. My laundry wasn't done, so it was a HUGE mess in the laundry room.  My van gets down to E more often that it should. I didn't have an ice scrapper in the winter in Utah. I don't have much food storage aside from ramen noodles and expired cream of chicken soup. I can't find a working flash light in the house. At last check, my 72 hr kit had size 3T pants for Jenna who is now a size 7/8. We need tires and would have liked to help the landlord out with the water heater but our emergency fund ran out when we were job hunting! As of 10 pm last night we were out of milk and bread and down to a mere 1 or 2 diapers!

I have had that feeling that those people must have felt when they slid off the road..."well crap. I wasn't prepared for this! Where is my 4x4! and why didn't I wear a coat?" The feeling is helplessness, anger, fear and resentment of self.

So apparently the only thing we have right is that we have a Chevy 4x4.

I suppose with the new year preparedness may be the theme. Not because we fear a massive Earthquake tomorrow or a terrorist attack, but because it's important to be prepared for life! Life happens: jobs are lost, electric goes out, ice develops on windows, water heaters bust, and natural disasters do happen that are out of our control!..and let's be realistic, four-wheel-drive can't always save the day!

5 o'clock club

I reluctantly have joined the nuts who are a part of the 5 o'clock club. I guess I knew it was just a matter of time until I would have to convert to the dreaded early hour.
When I was a part of MaryKay when Jenna was a baby is when I learned about the 5 o'clock club. The idea is that you get up, get a shower, get your clothes and face on and whatever else is important to you...exercise, journaling, reading before the day starts in full force. I remember nodding outwardly and shaking my head inwardly, thinking, "wow, that is early". I remember thinking that 5 was probably unnecessary...6 seemed plenty early. The idea of sitting in the dark after my shower and getting dressed seemed dumb...I would just fall back asleep!
My alarm clock on my days off have been the voice(s) or bustle of children in the house awake and surely up to no-good or ready to start their day with bellows from the crib. Traditionally, Zac has been a loud, cheerful, early-riser, making it necessary that I get up by about 6:30. Then once the kids started school, avoiding truancy made it so wake-up time was about 6:30 in order to get them ready. A shower was squeezed in with the door open during naps.
Now that I am working days, it is necessary that I get up at 5:00 so I can shower, get dressed, get the kids ready, feed the kids, feed the baby somewhere in there, and be on my way by 7:30.
My good friend once would get up at 4:30 or 5 to go to the grocery or to train for a half marathon before she started her day with the kids and household responsibilities. I again remember thinking, "wow, that is early!" Now I can see that it is necessary to get just the minimum stuff done without being a wicked, mean, angry mom hustling everyone along and cheering them to gulp down their toast and run out to the bus. (Exercise again will fall to the way side. 4:00 is not an option!)
Yesterday was day 1 of the 5 o'clock rise. It went well. I do better when I have some time alone in the morning. I am a bit nicer. However, by 6:30 pm I was tired and grumpy...and by 7:35 I was nodding off on the couch. This is going to take some getting used to. I guess 9 pm bedtime is going to be a necessary part of the plan.
I am happy though that I am working days and am able to feed my baby and cuddle him at night, and also that I can get the kids ready for school, etc because I am no longer on night shift. I think that despite the early hour, this is a good choice for us. Yay for working at a clinic 2 days a week!

Birds and Bees?

Jenna came home from school the other day and announced that she was in love with Turner. "Mom, I am in love with Turner!"
"Really," I say.
Humm, I am thinking, "in-love". Great she is 7! This is going to be a long road.
So Jenna says, "Yeah, he gave me this reraser... (translated "eraser"). He gave me a different one, but I really liked this one. I said that if he didn't give me this one, then I would kiss him."
"Jenna, 7 year-olds do not kiss.", I say firmly.
Jenna's eyes look down, "ok". "I need to ask if he is allergic to cats, anyway."
Jenna has made that an exemption from marriage. She really wants a cat, and if he is allergic it's a "no-go", even if he is prince-charming.

She is growing up and even though Jenna has always had friends that were boys, the kissing and in-love talk is getting slightly more feasible (ok, at least the kissing)
and makes me swallow hard and my eyes bug! I guess the birds and the bees talk may be around the corner. What is the origin of that expression anyway?

So yesterday I was reading Parents Magazine and there was an article about talking to your kids about stuff, specifically to a child Jenna's age. The article/author assumed that at her age the whole concept of intercourse should have been addressed already, and it's time for more info about relationships now. Well, CRAP! Is that true? It was hard enough for me to tell Jenna 3 months ago how exactly Gage would enter the world. She had started the question one morning when it was just us, and I felt the time was right. We didn't talk about how a baby was made. She had enough information that morning, although she took it all in stride.

My fear would be that with this new info, Jenna will go to school talking about intercourse... and sperm and eggs making a baby. On some distant level, it's like when that one kids tells his friends that Santa isn't real, then all their parents are up in arms.
So when is it the right time? I decided to pull out a Church produced manual that the Bishop gave us as a gift. It talks, in part, about talking to your kids about sexuality and relationships. It is an awesome resource, but again wants me to be the parent and didn't tell me on what date to have the talk prepared like I was wanting, unfortunately. I felt like I would need to be thoughtful, aware and prayerful as to when opportunities would come up to talk to Jenna...and Zac eventually (Heaven help us!) I do know that I want her (all the kids) to be able to talk to Steve and me, and I want them to learn these things in their home first, and be able to ask questions openly when they hear stuff at school. I don't want to jump the gun here or wait too long.
Geez. I think that you never stop worrying and learning as a parent.

Thoughts and questions

I have been thinking lately, at least starting thoughts and ideas, but then they are interrupted. I think a lot in the shower, but sadly showers aren't as frequent as they should be. I sit to journal but am interrupted. Kids are the explanation.
A few years back, I was upset that I had a journal that had nearly every page scribbled on. Really! Every page, page after page. It must have taken the toddler boy Zac a while to do this, but even so, it was done. I was telling this to an older friend of mine, and she responded that what he did was the essence of my journaling for that time of life. It was proof that I have small children that are ruining my stuff, causing headaches and into everything they shouldn't be. She said that when I was older, it would be my favorite journal to look back on because it was when they were still my babies that would sit on my lap and be rocked. That wise woman, I am sure, is right.

Anyway, back to fragmented thoughts...the point is I have had ideas and thoughts on my mind that are all too often interrupted by a crying baby, a curious toddler, an incorrigible 5 year old and an imaginative 7 year old. And when there is time to think fluently, I should shower or just go to bed and die, I mean sleep. So I choose neither to be clean or rested, instead I shall blog...at least until Gage is hungry again or until Steve gets home from his meetings- the others are in bed.

I have been thinking of when people ask me "so what is it like to have 4?" I got a similar question when I had Trev, "What is it like with 3?" At that time and now, we are 4 weeks out...in short, it is life-altering. Just like it was when Steve and I married, and then had Jenna, and Zac, etc. It takes adjustment and even tears as we contort to the changes and bend as we lose some control because another person is here with their own agency, personality, needs and well, more needs. It makes me cry and laugh. It's hard and incredibly fun at times. It will continue to be this way.

The answer is the same to Jenna's question tonight in the tub as I am helping scrub her hair. The baby is mildly fussy in the background, and the other boys are in their rooms "in bed" after some degree of chaos and some amount of harping and hurrying. Sweetly and innocent,"Mommy, tell me what it is like to be a mom?" Hum. "Well Jenna it is hard at times and fun at times, but most of all it is wonderful because I love my kids so much...no matter what." Then Jenna says, "Do you know what I don't like about being a mom?" I am thinking, "O great!". I say, "what's that?" She says, very perceptive, "When the baby is crying and wants to eat, when you have to potty train a toddler, when some else wants something and then the doorbell rings!" I laughed and said, "yep, it can be hard to manage."

I am glad that Jenna still wants to be a mom even though she already knows the reality of it to some extent. I like that she has been praying at night in family prayer that I can do a good job at work...well I have been off for 5 weeks now. I think, in my mind, that I do need prayers to do a good job at work...within the walls of my home. It is hard to be a mom. It's hard to bend and contort and appreciate the scribbles. I hope that my interpretation of Jenna's prayer can be answered, and I can do a good job. And even though I am proud of precocious Jenna, maybe after some adjusting, she can be a little less aware of the difficulty of motherhood and more aware of the joys.

..."Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction."
-Elder M. Russell Ballard